Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I've been romanticising about staying

Home is good and home is well. I'm good in home and I'm well. 

The magic of staying with yourself is that there's room for everything. Room for your own thoughts, room for your needs, food, sleep and time. 
Most importantly, there's room for others. For those who have fallen back on your mind, who you did not know you missed because you missed yourself more. Hey, but now when you have 'you', you understand that 'you' is enough... but it's always good to make dinner for two. Or four. Or get a drive-through. 
It's the stupidest excuse ever "I missed myself more". But life happens. And that happened. 
As long as get to home again... it's going to work out. 
You are good. You are well. 
Take good care of the good ones as well. 

"Don't tell me that you 'just don't get it' because I know you do."

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Nädalavahetuse kompass

Kogu mu tuba on täidetud kollaka-roosaka päikesetõusu kumaga ning ainus asi, mis minus külmetab on mu varbad. Ja ainus asi, mis mulle sooja annab, lisaks pehmele suletekile, on mu süda.
Viimased päevad on olnud täis kõhtu kõditavat naeru, lähedust, uusi-vanu tuttavaid, uusi-vanu armastajaid, uusi-vanu uudiseid. Kõige selle uue-vana keskel seisin mina, nautides olukorda, kus tulevikku ei tea ja minevik oli meeltelt pühitud. 
Seisin ja pühksin pisara, tänasin, naersin ja taipasin: "Kui see ei ole miski, mis mind õnnelikuks teeb... siis ma ei tea, mis olekski." 
Isegi kui mu jalad või õigemini jalg mind enam ei kandnud, ei jäänud ma ka seisma. Ma ei saa endale keelata üllatusi ja võimalusi, mis soovivad mu elus mu kõrvale seista. 

Nii ma seisin sellega, usaldades ennast ja vaadates, kas see usaldab mind ka. 

Alma koos Chase Grace "Compass" kotiga. 

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Can I tell you a secret: single serving size

"Can I tell you a secret?
You don't have to be in a relationship.

I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren't pretty unless they're wanted. Boy's aren't men unless they're having sex with someone. People aren't lovable until they're dating someone.

But a relationship won't always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn't the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples when they swear it's forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore.
I have heard so often "nobody loves me" out of the mouth of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, you classmates, your pets - they say, yes, okay, but it doesn't count. Of course it counts.

It is pretty to be in love. It's magical, I'm sure. But it's also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It's also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning.
The problem is: we're made everything about "the one." But maybe "the one" is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for out other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.

Maybe I wasn't born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better."

- Single serving size

Maybe you don't realise that in the end of the day you are happy with what you have. 
Maybe you don't realise that you are already in love. Love just works in different ways and forms. And your way is not worse because some others could not handle it that way.
Maybe your ways are... the best... for you. 
Not maybe. They really are. 

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Suddenly everything is in colour

I never thought I would see it this way.
Sometimes you meet someone and thought that you'd never like Tuesday afternoons, suddenly those are your favourite parts of the week. You thought that you had seen it all but then somebody shows up and all you can do is wonder how the heck you lived all this time with your eyes closed.
Being kind is even more beautiful, having a laugh is even more important.
Sometimes you meet someone and even though it's for a second... you know that there are good people out there. You realise it's not about being head over heels, it's about calmness - you've reached to the port of balance and grace. Sometimes you might fall in again, but you quickly recover your inner peace. It's the moment of realisation - there's so much more to see. And feel. And meet.

It's like you lived for the twilight but now... dawn is the only thing you wish for. To be more alive, to be more awake, to be more in love - with life.
To suddenly see everything in colour and light.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Captain of peace

Choose peace over worry and people over... stuff. 

I remember the first time I saw him.
He walked into the classroom with the warmest smile on his face and the most curious eyes I’ve ever seen. He sat down and I couldn’t take my eyes off him, his vibe was so uplifting. I knew immediately that he was the smartest one in this room and maybe even on campus. Not just facts-smart (which he was) but also mentally – so emphatic, so full of art, so full of love.
He reminded me of water. All his movements were flowing, all his knowledge were for the greater cause and he was there… to make everybody who let him feel worth at least… something. If not everything.

I remember the first time I talked to him.
He was there and something in me was drawn to him. All I could do was to burst everything out and see what happens.
He luckily became my favourite outburst-of-words of all times.

// person-through-my-eyes

Thinking of him feels like I could choose peace over worry.
Anytime. Anywhere. I just need to give it a time. 
And nourish it with art and soul. 

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

"I am always in love"

The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway

On nii teistmoodi hommikuti ärgata kui tean, et miski ootab mind. Mitte nädalate ja kuude pärast, vaid päevade ning aastate lõikes. Näen, mille jaoks olen võtnud hoogu ja kuidas mitte nüüd taas ette rutata... Päevad võiksid olla pikemad, et saaksin paitada kõiki neid, kellest hoolin. Et saaksin kõikide oma ideedega liikuda edasi. Et saaksin kiirustades aeglustada ja hingata sisse kõike, mille nimel soovin olla ärkvelolekus.
See sama ärkvelolek on saanud uue tähenduse nendes värvides, mida näen; nendes nägudes, kellega kohtun; nendes tegudes, mis on mu juurde tagasi tulnud... või olen mina nende juurde leidnud taas tee. Ometi iga natukese aja tagant sisse hingates märkan end selle keerleva maailma keskel ja taipan, miks miski on juhtunud ja mida sellest kõigest saab vaid juhtuda. Miks ja mille nimel? Miks ja mille nimel.

Varasemad kahtlused on pühitud, endised hirmud on võetud omaks ja mina olen siin. Armunud. Armunud? Jah, täpselt nii palju kui saab armastada ennast, oma rakke, oma töötavat südant, oma kallistuse kaugusel olevaid armsamaid ning neid, kellele pole veel kahjuks jõudnud puudutusi jagada.
Ma olen sõnatu ning see on vist õige märk. Elu üllatab ja mina lasen endal üllatuda, juhus mängib minuga ning mina vaid laon oma kaardid ette - et põnevust ja naeru pikendada.

Ma usun, et kõhutunne on tähtsam kui ükskõik kelle teise arvamus meie igapäeva tegemiste ning valikute kohta. Saame esmalt endaga tuttavaks, sest tänu sellele tuleb kõik järgnev vaid meid rõõmustav.