Väärib väärida iseend feat. Poola

Mina olen siin. Ja mina peab julgema olla selles rahus, mida ta sees tunneb. Sest mina väärib seda. Mina arvab, et ta ei vääri - aga mina ei näe ennast nii nagu inimesed, kes mind armastavad. 
Isegi, kui see on raske - siis vahel peab end kõrvalt vaatama, nende silmade läbi, kelle paned sa tantsima, naerust nutma, aitäh ütlema või rahus uinuma. 

Vahel peab mina õppima oskama end ka ise kõrvalt vaadata - sest ega alati pole kõiki kõrval. Mina võtab siis ise enda silmad ja nägemise ja hinge ning vaatab - vaatab nagu eksponaati - imetleb nagu kõigi teistega ta teeb; näeb, mis omadused õitsevad; tunneb, kuidas ta on uhke olla temaga - iseendaga. 

Mina väärib mind. Ma ei saa endalt iseennast võtta.
Väärib väärida iseend.

“Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”

Even if things happen unexpectedly I guess the good thing to do is see why. Even if we are not ready then maybe they are. Even if I don't know how it happened or do I deserve it... then I realise that I guess I've made some great choices somewhere along the way. Somewhere... doesn't matter what exactly.

I'm floating in the softest
softest of water,
head to toes
and realising
I can still swim.

I really don't need to know why - either why now or them or me or water. All I need to feel is the warmth embracing my body and my soul dancing in and with it. Look at me looking at the water. It's like I've never felt drought before, like I've never been thirsty, like I knew how to swim all along.
Like I waited to meet you yet everything happened so sudden.
Like I knew I was going to meet you yet never knew I could swim so well.

My toes touch the bottom but I promise I'm eager to negotiate.

Welcome, river.
Make yourself comfortable.
I'm... not ready, but me. All I could offer is me and the best swimming techniques I've learned.

// almost-a-person-through-my-eyes

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Me ise oleme rohkem enda kodud kui need majad, kus me elame.

Kui need tegevused, mis me teeme.

Kui need mõtted, mis meile pähe söödetakse.

Kui need nimed, mis meile antakse. 

Me ise oleme rohkem enda kodud kui me julgeme endale tunnistada. 

Miski ei lähe meist mööda...

Kõik on mööduv
ja miski
ei lähe meist mööda.

Iga hetk, mis on õnnest kaugel on loomulik. Me peame vaid endale meelde tuletama, et see läheb mööda. Meelde tuletama, et meie oleme sellest suuremad ning aeg ei peatu enne, kui me seda füüsiliselt enam lugeda ei saa. Pisut mõistma, realistlikumalt, et kõik halb on mööduv... siis kui me laseme sel minna. Me teretame seda, proovime mõista miks nüüd ja mille nimel ning siis palume tal minna - aitäh, et tulid. Veel toredam kui ära lähed.

Iga hetk kui oleme õnnes on loomulik. Ükski hea asi ei lähe meist mööda, kui oleme endale lubanud teha ruumi. Võib-olla peame me õppima "laskma endal olla õnnelikud." Õppima, kuidas õnne väljendada, kuidas õnnes armastada ja ujuda. Me võtame õnne miskipärast kui boonusena - see lisa kingitus või võit, kui peaks ta tegelikult lihtsalt elama ja olema meis. Kasvama meis endas, kastma teda meis endas, õnnelik olema iseendas.

Luba endale leida õnne, kasvatada õnne, toita õnne - luba endale elada selles.
Luba endale olla.
Olla enda õnn.
Ja olla õnnelik.

Tõravere

Hommik tuleb vaikusega, hommikuvalgusega ja hommikukohviga. Jätab endast jälje terveks päevaks - tuleb teadmisega. Võimalustega, suurte võimalustega, et meie parimad suudlused, tugevamad naerud ja soojemad päevad on veel ees. Tuletab meelde, et kukkumishirmust õudsam on hirm jätta ronimata. Hommik tuleb, igal päeval, võimaluseta elu vahele jätta.

Päikeseloojang peegeldab end kõrgetelt puulatvadelt ja mina eksin ära ilusse, mis mind ümbritseb. Ja tunnetesse, mis panevad mind igatsema käidud teid ja avastamata unelmaid. Mul on see kindlameelne  ja õrn pilk, mis mind valdas pea täpselt aasta tagasi siin samas. Ning peaaegu paar aastat tagasi kaugel eemal. See on rahulolu, mida toidavad mu ideed, lootus ning eelkõige mina ise. See on rahulolu, et homme on veel parem kui täna - ülekoormatuna tunnetest - ma naudin igat sekundit selles atmosfääris.

o o o o o

Ma tahan, et meie majal ei oleks katust ja pilved saaksid sisse tulla... ja meid nendesse matta.

I'm ready to feel

the power of change.

If you could meet yourself today what would you say? 

Would you compliment yourself, complement yourself or compete with yourself? 

Would you see all the things that I'm seeing or would you be so caught up by the things that don't define you? 

What would you say? 

Would you say you love yourself and want yourself to be you? 

Would you love yourself? 

I wish you would. 

Your mess, fears and doubts are making you fragile - and being fragile in this stone cold world is more important than being... well, stone cold. 

I hope you love yourself. Despite it all. 

You are worth more than they give you credit for.

You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. 

What would you say?

I would say "Thanks" for surviving every illness and doubt. For getting up after love that has been lost and getting lost in love. Thanks for being there for the ones who matter the most and thanks for trying to be there for the ones who matter the most. Thanks for enjoying the summer and loving the snow. Thanks for being brutally but lovably honest. Thanks for choosing finally the path that's worth time and soul, thanks for not changing. For not changing your jokes, beliefs and standards. For not changing yourself. But being more yourself, every single day.

Some day I'll write poems about this but first I must survive it.

I'm the 20-something

I'm the 20-something who genuinely thinks she could change the world. Or at least one world. Or one soul.
The 20-something who is trying her best to break out the system of society, standards, relationships and settling down - yet at the same time tries to understand what is needed to do to survive in this world. And at the same time accepts if she finds a good balance between those systems.
The 20-something who will walk off if she feels suffocated or treated badly.
The 20-something who gets that we need food, shelter and warmth to stay alive... but we need something more to (actually) be alive.

I'm the 20-something whose mom thought her to fight for this life - because we stand here only now and only for a short period of time. A very very short period of time.

I'm the 20-something who will try to share the best bits, but who never wants to leave out the emotion. Who is looking for the truth more than originality. Who is looking for laughter more than safety.
The 20-something who is learning to stay simple, positive and real. Focusing on the day ahead, accepting the falls and realising that it's all natural. Life is natural. Lying on the floor and feeling down is natural. Being in love is natural. Wishing to leave the county is natural. Leaving is natural.
The 20-something who will make decisions that will upset other people. But understands that we will all (have to) get over it.
The 20-something who realises we need to get over ourselves. Everyone. Why? Because humans care about each other but we don't actually c-a-r-e about each other in that way. (Wear those hippy pants or high heels or be bare foot or even wear all red if you want to - we actually don't care. I will root for you - you can laugh at me and I will root for you. Maybe I will laugh a little but nobody cares. Remember that!)
The 20-something who don't know what decision is good or bad. And who will soon realise that as long as you are alive and kind, there are no rights or wrongs.
The 20-something who is learning not to miss the sun when it's midnight and vice versa.

I'm the 20-something who will be extremely happy and extremely sad because she knows that's how she can feel life to the fullest - to create - to see - to feel. Who will not be stable as a rock because that's not living, that's existing.
The 20-something who starts her day with a coffee but ends it with a tea and even though she is trying to make healthier choices... life gets in the way. But she just rolls with it.
The 20-something who thinks way too much about existential problems and life and universe and spirits and people.
I'm the 20-something who is still scared to be the weird kid she was because she caged herself for so long. But I will inform you that she is learning and becoming closer every day. How? Thanks to people who she finds that let her be herself.
I'm the 20-something who finds a home but then realises home is wherever she is with herself - honest, breathing and dancing half-naked.
I'm the 20-something who is trying to give people some slack. And give herself some slack.

I'm the 20-something who understands that as long as we are alive... everything is possible. Starting with happiness and ending with Mount Everest.