Southern wind is showing a way back home

Southern wind is softening up the warm summer air. I'm sitting and waiting and trying to listen to what I'm feeling. But I gotta admit – I don't understand it at all. Maybe I'm not listening enough; or not talking; maybe I'm not feeling anything but the "wish to feel something" is too big to understand it. I owe it to myself to at least try to describe it.

In this evening I feel like the truth has set me free and at the same time it's kind of lonely up here, watching it all unraveling. I sure believe there are some latent feelings that I can't comprehend yet about the people around me and about the ones that I've distanced myself with. I don't want to question their intentions but somehow, I begin to doubt their aims. 

Every dawn is teaching me to trust the wait

and to be with myself first. I can't go around asking for answers. Sometimes the quietness answers them itself. 

Southern wind is softening me up towards myself. A small setback is a small setback. 

I am always finding a way back home. 

Growing 127km/sec

I am tired of changing myself.

I love to grow
but I can't change myself
to fit,
to be small
so they can be comfortable,
to not think,
to not feel,
to not be compassionate
and caring.

I'm not too much
they are just
too little.

I keep growing
no matter what happens.

You are the ocean

The ocean is big and bold
doing its own thing
but damn right
it could drown all your wishes
and drown your deepest fears

Choose what you want to drown

You are the ocean

1:27pm is for my coffee and me

Please darling

do yourself a favor 

and enjoy the view –

oh, the things you can see

and admire

Stop looking for ways 

how you could fall down

how you could break 

Bye 2019

Year of losses.

and

Year of learning
to
choose my battles.

Year of grief.

and

Year of finally
completely
almost
completely
healing.

Year of me.

127 years of gold

Can we have
few more drinks
few more days
if possible then even weeks

Drinks will hopefully
turn into years
of gold.

Sunday's 1:27am and pm

Midnight magic ends 

when Sunday afternoon 

hits our eyes and skin and minds,

midnight magic stayed for 

the whole weekend

but now it’s time to

face the sun. 

You know 1:27

Her kind heart stubbles
and her words
don't come out
as planned.

But she has
good intentions.
You know that.

Learn to serve your heart

Learn to say "no".
Not only to your thoughts and to the rush hour, or when you're feeling your weakest. Learn to say "no" to humans who make you wait for no reason, who make you doubt for no reason, who make you want to say "no" even if it's for no reason.
Learn to say "no" to almost everything that doesn't serve you or your heart.
Serve and deserve.

Sometimes learning to say "no" is the way of saying "yes" to yourself.

Wounded in 127 places

You could be
a wounded woman
at the moment,
but that doesn't mean
that you are
a wounded woman.

Photo: Kat Indiana - https://www.palomabird.com 

Proud lover at 1:27am

You should be proud

of the human

you are becoming, 

of the woman 

you are now, 

and of the open-hearted

full-hearted

lover you were. 

You should be

but you tend to forget. 

Being proud

won't make you selfish;

it will set you free

from your 

doubts. 

1:27 is all there is

This is not

your practise 

life.

This is the only

one.

This is all 

there is.

1:27pm in Brussels

Here

And the only one

who is here as well,

who is always welcomed,

who is always wanted

and needed -

the only one who

can always be here

is me.

127 saving

If this doesn't save me

then I will.

Here or there

or on the go,

possibly on the go,

but I will. 

Kui see mind ei päästa,

siis päästan ma end ise. 

Siin või seal

või mineku pealt,

tõenäoliselt mineku pealt,

aga ma ise. 

Greenhouse 1.27

I am my own
greenhouse
all year long

and powerhouse
and electricity bank

and if it's too much for you,

oh well,

thank you for stopping by.

Ma olen iseenda
kasvuhoone
aastaringselt

ja jõuallikas
ja elektripank

ja kui seda on sinu jaoks liiga palju,

mis seal ikka,

tänan sind läbi astumast.

3 x 127 days, almost

I don't have the same thoughts that I had a year ago. 

And that makes me 

incredibly 

incredibly 

happy. 

And it makes me feel strangely blissful. 

In a weird peace. 

In peace. 

It's a blur. But it's changing.

Something has shifted, something that has waited for so long to do so. My body is dizzy from all the information, from all the losses and rises. The understanding between what I could do and what I am doing is still in a blur but more or less it's getting its way out of the mist. Repeat to yourself that the transformation towards trust is there, always somehow been there, in your gut, in your eyes, in your hands. 

Something has shifted. And what are you going to do about it? Repeatedly question it?

Just trust. That thing. 

Wolves come at 1.27am

Ta ütles,
et hirm teeb hundi su ees
suuremaks
kui ta tegelikult on.
Mina nägin
hiiglast.
Õnneks taipasin,
et see on
lihtsalt hirm.


She said
that fear will make
the wolf in front of you
bigger
than it is.
I saw a giant.
Lucky I realised,
it was just
a fear.

Future holds me

Whatever future holds it will hold me, it will hold my peace, excitement and you. Future will bring even more joy, if that's possible; even more love, if that's possible and even more accomplishments, if that's possible. It will hold me in my arms and make me realise I have room for plenty more. 

Future holds me in a warm embrace and then opens its palms when it's ready to move. 

It's calm in here. The place where I lay burns so strongly but it will never burn me. It will just warm me up for the future. 

And all I do is laugh with it because it will always, always plant me in the most richful places. 

What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet. 

Howling at 1:27am

Sel korral
ei uputa sa end
oma tormi varju.
Sa pead vahel hingama,
et siis taas
tugevamalt
hüüda.


This time
you won't drown
yourself in your own
storm.
You need to breathe sometimes
so you could
howl
even stronger.