Collecting thoughts

Collect the thoughts what cannot be said. Or they could be said but I promise you they won't be worth the shot. You don't know why they are on you mind and expressing them might hurt them. The thoughts, or yourself or someone else - and not because it's meant to hurt but just because those thoughts were a collection of confusion, outbursting ideas (which mostly are imported to your head from someone else) and no-sense.

Collect the thoughts that have been running in and out, screaming at your mind and soul and what you actually want. Realise that sometimes you just need your time, tea, paper and a pen... to collect the thoughts that are not worth of your time. And mind.

And then you can focus on the good thoughts. The best ones.

Find your wild

When you have mastered the art of loving yourself and putting yourself first... you realise now you need to start doing things for yourself.

You wake up for yourself. You eat the breakfast you love. You go to school if you are interested in it. You go to work if you need to pay your bills. Hopefully you do something you like to do. Or you learn how to love it. You interact with the ones who bring out the best in you. Or who you can laugh the most, share the most or travel the most. You read the books you love. Or magazines - and no-one is there to judge you. You listen that "shitty" band that your course mates hate because you love them.  You take yourself out to dinner, to movies, to the zoo and to the freaking party because you want to. You start collecting stamps or maps because why not. You save your money instead of floating on your parents wallets because you feel like it. You ask for help if you want to. You share travels with your parents because you love them. You cook the stuff you love. And you share it because love should be shared.

But most of all... Start doing things you were too scared to do because you were not sure of your knowledge, power or abilities. Start photographing, developing business ideas, saving money, writing, singing, painting, being alone, being in love, being out of love, breaking a habit, taking on a new habit, decorating your room, taking swimming lessons. What ever you want to do you better start doing it. I have postponed two of my dreams for a year now. And what I gained from it - yes, some other good memories... but also regrets. Loads of regrets.
And those two little things could have been squeezed in my daily routine. But I just had no courage. And will power. And not in enough wildness in my soul.

Rest and find your will

So as I wrote earlier... It's the season of coming back...
I came back and sat down with myself. Took a good cup of coffee, did people watching and controlled my breathing. Made a list in my head of the things I want to try out, I want to do and started thinking about how I would make them real.
It all came clear. I need time to rest, to be my own boss and to find the balance between what others see and how I see myself.

Decided to took a Saturday off, wandered around beautiful Kadriorg, went to KUMU and Kadrioru kunstimuuseum, did loads of (also window)shopping and had a laugh in the cosy autumn.
If you have time, please visit KUMU. The exhibition A Moveable Feast is just breathtaking.
And even if you don't, then still please find time to yourself. Time to be present.