Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Human kindness is overflowing

Storm make trees take deeper roots. 

Weekend full of unknown. At the same time knowing too much.
Or caring too much and knowing too little.
Or thinking too much and getting answers too late.
Or getting answers just right and good ones, but not perfect ones.

Weekend full of missing, outbursting tears and anxiety.
Welcome to behind the curtains of a wonderful life.
Welcome to life where everything happens. And that everything happens for a reason.

Weekend full of realising the worth of life and the blessings.
Count them. Count them all and be grateful.
Don't let them take you your happiness, people and self.
Hold the ones you have. Hold them tightly. Carefully. With love. While being present.

If you can't help them. Pray for them.
In your way.
Not in religious way.
Your way. Send good thoughts.

And I think it's going to rain today... 

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Someone new

Who am I to wish he wouldn't break my heart.
While I go around and break so many.
Whatever happens, happens. 

Take a weekend and do stuff only you want to do. Alone or together. But whatever you want to do. Or do the things you have pushed further and further - now is the time to complete your tasks.
Take a weekend full of fresh air, good books, studies, jogging and taking care of yourself.
You need "you-time" from time to time.
This time is now. Smile to yourself.

Friday, April 24, 2015


Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage, just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it. 

We all need to start living a bit more. Don't hesitate to ask, when you are not sure. Don't mind to push deadlines, because you need to be with your loved ones. Don't wish away your Mondays to have Saturdays. Don't let the clock define you, what you can do in your day. Don't look for somebody when you don't know where you stand. Don't think about tomorrow if it's time to celebrate and laugh. Don't be scared to learn and make mistakes, it's necessary. Don't be the one who stays home when all you want to do is go out. Don't be the one who stays for the end of the party when you don't feel like it. 
Don't just exist. Start to live more and make your existence a bit more lovely, adventurous, caring, fun, quiet, loud and everything in between. Make it everything. A bit of everything. 

Monday, April 13, 2015

After news

If something goes right. Or if it doesn't go right...
Go left. Go over it. Get under it. Go as far as you can and come back as close as you can be.
Do the things you fear and fear the things that leave you indifferent.
You make your paths. And take baths. Both are equally good for soul.
Nobody can switch off your highness. Continue being high on life. Or even higher than life. Why not.
They will notice.
He will notice.
But overall - you'll be happy.
And over them. Too high. Too high happy.

Guess there is no right time as well.
Take what they give you, maximise your ability to be present and be a present to them (put a bow on top of your hair. You're worth it!)

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Be fearless again

Do things just because. Just because you want to try, they make you happy, you've never done them before, you want to experience new things. Just because you live now and you are full of wonder. Full of discovering and seeing what is new and what might also suit your style. Just because you feel like it. Today you have the kind of mood you want to start painting, jogging, boxing, reading more, watching and observing films, taking up yoga, learn a new language. Today you have the kind of mood that you want to drop everything you know you can do and start doing something you're bad at. You are only bad at it if you never try.
Do things just because you fear them to do. Or you don't. Be bold and brave; and don't think about winning. Don't be greedy. You don't have to make it by their eyes. You just do what you want to do - as much as you want to.
They are no judges. Not them. Not you.

Don't let them make you cautious.
You can be different every day. Embrace it. Let them be stuck where they can't find anymore happiness. Your happiness and their happiness is not the same. Don't define yourself with others. Define yourself with you.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

I write

I started dancing again because you walked in the door.
Your eyes lighted up every time you talked something that you truly cared about. Your words and voice were full of passion and compassion; full of courage and love. You opened up so quickly, even when I didn't know who you were.
I started dancing again because although you didn't know much about it, you enjoyed it. You tried to express your emotions, after you saw it. Even if you failed. Even if it turned out wrong. You tried to express yourself to me. You didn't need my approval. You wanted it. You made it pretty clear.
I started dancing again because you showed me there is no need not to. It's wrong to give up just because the last places didn't turn out right. It's wrong to give up just because I couldn't handle my balance in life. You showed me how fun it could be. How I could just enjoy it. And if I'm ready, then show a bit of emotions with it.
I started dancing again because you started existing in my life.

I don't dance. I will not. And I don't want to. And I seriously can't.
I rather write. Yes, I write. I write to forgive myself.
I teach myself how to express and let go while using my words. I learn day by day how to forgive myself of choosing what is best for me. My writing made me realise that at the moment the only thing what is best for me is not dancing. I'm doing everything else than that. Best for me is not seeing. I'm closing my eyes and learning to see blindfolded. Best for me is not feeling. At least not in the same place were I lost it.
I write because I put my dance into lyrics. I watch them create something I thought I wasn't able to. I watch them dance under my fingertips - they make me unconfident, unsure. I realise that words can make me even more vulnerable than body movements. I can't semi-express, I can't hide, I can't twist around my thoughts and just show emotions. Dancing with your fingertips is putting it all out there. Look. Here I am. And this is what is going on.
I write to forgive myself. That I'm finally forgetting you.
I'm forgiving myself that I am putting myself first. I'm forgiving myself that I am letting you slip away because it's for a better cause. I'm forgiving myself that I can't change what is done. And I'm forgiving myself that sometimes not getting what I want maybe a good stroke of luck.

I write because I exist.