Saturday, February 20, 2016

"Ah, mis mina"

"Ah, mis mina" on kahtlemata üks kuulsamaid asju, mida mulle meeldib vahel õhku visata. Kui mitte ainult õhku visata, siis vähemalt korragi päevas mõelda.
Eile hilisõhtul koju jalutades hakkasin ma ennast esimest korda selle mõttega hirmutama. Olen alati uskunud, et ideest koorub välja tegu - juhtub see siis kas meie endaga või leiab meie idee veidral viisil tee kellegi teise juurde. (Mul vähemalt on olnud mitmeid kordi, kus keegi korraldab midagi, teeb koreograafia, muusikapala või paneb püsti äri just sellest ideest, mis minul kunagi "ju "mõttes oli. Jah, sest ideed vajavad kodu, aga nad vajavad ka midagi teha - kui sina neile võimalusi ei anna, siis leiab ta ennast varsti kellegi teise juurest.)

Lubasin suure suuga aasta alguses, et 2016 on aasta enesearmastusega, mida ma olen muidugi tubli õpilase kombel täitnud ja järginud, nii füüsiliselt kui vaimselt. Võib-olla see viiski mind "ah, mis mina" fraasi juurde.

See mõttestiil on saatnud mind läbi raskete põhikooli aegade, läbi imeilusa teatriklassi, läbi tantsimise ja põhimõtteliselt peaaegu läbi iga tegemise, mis on tähendanud mulle keskmisest rohkem. See on vist veider kaitse, kuidas ma parem vajun tapeediks kui arvan, et "ma ju võiks tegelikult endale selle võimaluse anda." Teatud tagasihoidlikus ja alandlikkus on parajaks koguses kindlasti ilus, aga selle taha ei tohi varjuda... või see ei tohiks takistada minu enda hingamist.
Ma olen ennast varjanud selle taga ning mitte saanud aru, mida ma tegelikult olen juba teinud... mille üle on olla uhke ja miks perfektsionism tasub teatud määral hülgamist.

Enne proovimist ma ütlen "ah, mis mina", tegemise ajal ma saadan lendu mõtte "ah, mis mina" ning lõppude lõpuks ma võtan asja kokku legendaarse lausega "ah, mis mina."
Ja mida ma tõesti arvan on see, et suurem osa juhtudest see "ah, mis mina" võtab mult juba idee tasandil võimaluse. Seisnegu see siis selles, et ma pingutan vähem, et ma saadan sama mõtte teistele pähe või, et ma jätan sellega iseendale äratuskella panemata.
Kordan - teadlik tagasihoidlikkus, realistlikus ja mingil määral alandlikkus on ka muidugi mulle palju andnud. Lisaks on see väga inimlik. Lisaks see balnss tihti annab võimaluse jääda tõetruuks ja iseendaks.
Kuid ka kordan - "ah, mis mina" ei ole see fraas, mida me tahame endale tähtsate olukordade puhul lõpmatuseni korrutada. Muidugi, ülemäära upsakaks ei tasu minna, kuid see teatud "miks mitte" on õhus parem kui "ah, mis mina."

Ma luban, kirjalikult siin, et "ah, mis mina" saab endale tasakaaluks "ah, miks mitte mina."
Miks?
Sest "ah, miks mitte mina."
Nii lihtne see ongi. Ja siis ma vaatan, mis mind paremini elus "teenindab." Ma jätan endale mõlemad valikud, ma ei soovi agressiivselt "MIKS MITTE MINA" kisendama hakata. Soovin võimalusi, soovin iseennast näha pisut rohkem sirgema seljaga, kus organid saaksid tervelt töötada ning mu ideed saaksid vabalt hingata... ning ma julgeksin neid serveerida.



AH, miks mitte endale üks tote bag lubada SIIT

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Go ahead, chase grace!

I was in Ollerup when I felt the urge to use my hands for more than just typing. 
I sat next to my hazy window and just listened to some music. I've just came out of dance practise and I felt how my mind, soul and ideas were opening up. I knew an idea was coming - nothing unique or Steve Job's like (not aiming for that), but something was soon landing on my shoulders. 
I realised that I need to create something... something that I could use, that would be personal and simple. But most importantly, that I would have fun doing/creating. That this "something" will help me focus, stay calm and take my mind on a vacation and meditation mode.

So here is me - chasing grace. Chasing peacefulness, focusing on my body and taking my mind on a journey. And to be honest, I really needed to do something so I could get myself off from computer and work, planning and marketing - and honestly doing something I want to physically give and achieve. 

I do whatever serves my soul. Trying not to focus on pride, greed and benefits. 



"Once she stopped rushing through life, she was amazed how much more life she had time for.

Shop is going to be up here: Chase Grace shop
*peace sign*


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

He saw the flowers in my hair vol2

Few, very rare ones, make me like myself. They just don't introduce me something new - new music, new jokes, new sunrises... they make me love all the vibes I already have. Those very rare ones make me see how important sunsets are, how important it is to do what I like and how I am enough. They don't make me want to reach for perfection, they encourage my imperfection. Rare ones celebrate my living not my concours, applause for joy not just for the win and hold my hand even when they are miles and miles and miles away.
I feel more alive, and to say powerful, when I know they are breathing next to me. If not physically then at least mentally. They have the power to stop the time and start kindness. Yet they all have their own kind of kindness - some are hard to see, some are overflowing, some are somewhere hidden but I know it's there.
Few, very rare ones, have kindness in their hearts like no-one else. I'm not occurring that they are perfect... but they are kindly themselves - and this is what I value the most.




Have the peaceful ones new you, so they can remind you what living is really for and what are you here really for.
Make 'peace making' a part of your day.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Talk is (not) cheap

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.

It feels good to talk things through. The peace that comes with it feels like the storm on the sea has subside. Before that I could only feel the restless looks towards me, the fear of losing time and the tension which couldn't help the other half to feel calm. 
It feels OK to know that some bad things turned out good, and maybe they even weren't that bad at all. It feels amazing to put things in perspective and see that there are no rights and wrongs... Maybe the only "wrong" was timing, but timing is almost never our friend. 
It feels peaceful to know that everything is well with the other side.

It is funny how I always felt that people are coming into my life always a bit too early or arrive a bit late. They never came when I was waiting, when I was ready for them and never when I was free to open my arms and tuck them in. 
It's funny how it all still continues to go so... yet somehow, now, I realised that maybe it was all alright... and I've realised that the next time they visit me I will force myself to make room for them. 
Not passing another opportunity. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Ollerup vibes

Walking around in Ollerup feels like walking back to myself. It's just me, somewhere in Fyn Island, don't know where I'm heading (even though at that point I was heading to the store to buy liquorice chewing gum), and definitely not quite sure where I want to land yet. 
I guess I left my heart somewhere between wandering, taking chances and enjoying conversations in multi-languages. Walking around here doesn't mean I'm looking for a closer, I think at this moment it means giving myself a second chance. I've been settling down for so long and actually in me, there's still the wild one who's protesting against it. I don't want to settle. Not with less. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not with the next one. Not because they tell me so. Not because they want to. 
Universe planted my seed but it wasn't my decision. Luckily we all have legs, so walking out from the garden where we were planted is possible. No, not just possible. For some it's necessary - a wonderful opportunity. 

I'm on the right track with me. I need and I keep surprising myself with decisions I thought I was too sleepy and tired for. Yeah, I guess I need to hold on to curiosity towards everything I care about. 
Not to show anybody what I'm interested in... but to show myself the things I'm interested in. 
Not to wait to fall in love, but to rise with love. 
To be brave. And surprise myself with bravery. 


Taking some time off and enjoying the moments. That's what I'm alive for.
To enjoy inner smiles, outburst of laughter and some Danish wind.


Saturday, February 6, 2016

Once there was a home

I realised that I belong where my heart feels like home. By the way... everybody does. It doesn't mean that it's always the same place. Home can change time to time, home can come back to you and you can go back to home. As long as I am searching for the tingle in my stomach and as long as I accept the feeling when I get there... it's all good. 
Home can change its face, its attitude and can transform itself into different forms. It can be a place, it can be a person and it, most definitely, just can be a vibe. An energy that comes from nowhere but lands on somewhere. The place that once felt like home might become strange to me. But it's necessary to understand that when the time goes by... it might be my friend again, comfort, place and peace. It deserves a second chance and look. 

Home can scare the crap out of me. 
I'm ashamed to say it. 
Because at the same time it can give me the warmest hug and I never want to leave again. 
The second I walked in those doors I realised that it's still a home for me. If not a home... then definitely a special place where laughter, tears, hard work, laziness and great people came together. 


Song that heals anxiety. Calms my heart of missing a person and finds the person within. Says it's OK to go back and see what else you can learn. Says it's OK to miss the past. Says it's OK... now, tomorrow and even the day after that. Says it's OK to say "Hello" to your old home. 



More to come. And more to hope.
It's wonderful to think that maybe the best days in our lives haven't even visited us yet.
It's wonderful to think that maybe the home is now with me... in me.
Maybe I am my own home. 

Monday, February 1, 2016

My favourite food is breakfast #selflove2016

Happy February!
Don't take yourself too seriously, but take seriously enough to care. Fill yourself with wonders and love. Only you can choose the magic which will complement your soul. 



1. Bottom mixture - orange & banana
    Oats
    Cinnamon
    Dates
    Kiwi (1 half)

2. Bottom mixture  - orange, small banana, berry mix
    Oats
    Cinnamon
    Kiwi (1 half)


3. Bottom mixture - 0,4 melon & banana
    Oats 
    Cinnamon
    Dates
    Cashews

4. Smoothie - melon, banana, 1/3 cup oats, 2 dates 
    Avocado bread with Mediterranean herbs 



5. Bottom mixture - 2 bananas, berry mix, soy milk, peanuts
    Oats
    Cinnamon
    
6. Banana pancakes (with barley)
    Honey (natural)
    Fresh plum puree with cinnamon 


7. Bottom mixture - banana, orange
    Oats
    Cinnamon
    Yellow plums
    Walnuts 

Make yourself art. Make every morning a piece of art and you never feel out of place. Or space. Or out of living.