Monday, January 4, 2016

Thoughts about 2015

Sometimes when you are in the dark place you think you've been buried... but actually you've been planted. 

Christine Caine 
I say to myself: It's OK
I've always said to other people that it's okay to mess up or even fuck up. Sorry for my language. But I've always managed to raise them with the thought that we are all human and if it's not your heart or body you've messed up... it's okay and often it can be fixed.
Told them to stay calm about their pursuit of balanced life, finding what you want to learn and doing what they really feel is good and valued in their book.
Yet I've never told that to myself. I always wished that others will say that: "Oh, honey, it's OK to be wrong. It's OK to quit if you're not healthy physically or mentally... It's truly OK to live."
I kept quiet. I didn't talk to myself. Always just to others.
And then it really hit me... I need to say this to myself.

I took few steps back and put everything in perspective. Here I am now, there I was and where exactly do I really want to go - I don't know, yet. What "my kind of beautiful" means and how these little mistakes or misunderstandings are ruining the big picture. Are they? Or maybe they are just there... just small bumps and nothing much?

Guess it was a year of great experiences and huge mess-ups. Learning the road of recovery and deciding to start healing.
Guess it was a year of learning to say "It's OK" and now it's time to understand it.

No comments: